We teach girls to be strong, tenacious, resilient, confident, and lovely...just like ivy. We teach girls to be leaders.
Monday, May 29, 2017
Friday, May 26, 2017
Dreaming to Reality
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people just hope their dreams will come true. Like we can just sit back and wish upon a star and BOOM! Dream come true. That is NOT how it happens, but work its what makes it happen. Ive always been obsessed with sports. Any sport I've tried it, and I probably loved it. But swimming and water polo, those are for me! I quickly fell in love, and knew I wanted to be part of both for as long as I could, but I knew if I wanted to pursue sports I needed a lot of hard work. Growing up my grandpa, a very wise man taught to do your best, and then some. To push yourself and then push a bit more. Ive always tried to live that, and when times got tough in sports I relied on that. Coming first and leaving last are great things to do, and that really pushed me, but then I pushed a little harder and added my own extra workouts, I dug as deep as I could, and I saw the pay off. I peaked at my all time fastest in college as I applied these things. My sprinting ability improved and my distance and endurance became stronger than I had imagined possible. I realized if I would've just aimed for the goals I thought I could reach and not go that and then some yard, I wouldn't have reached this potential I didn't know was possible for myself. I realized what this quote states. If we choose to be brave, to do something maybe we think is a little too hard, or that scares or pushes us a bit, but is something we really believe in, if we put in the work, and then some, our dreams truly can become reality. Monday, May 22, 2017
You Are Beautiful
Our biggest wish for you is that you see yourself as we see you. Strong, courageous, kind, important, needed, loved and BEAUTIFUL! We all need a reminder to stay positive. We all need that little push to keep going. We all need that reminder that we CAN be who we want to be. Here are a few ideas on how to improve and be beautiful from the inside out.
Improving Your Self Image
Improving your self-image, like improving any skill, takes time and practice. Developing good self-esteem involves encouraging a positive (but realistic) attitude toward yourself and the world around you and appreciating your worth, while at the same time behaving responsibly towards others. Self-esteem isn't self-absorption; it's self-respect. By working from the inside out (focusing on changing your own way of thinking before changing the circumstances around you), you can build your self-esteem. The goal of this positive thinking is to give yourself a more positive self-concept, while seeing yourself honestly and accepting yourself, and removing the internal barriers that can keep you from doing your best.Positive Thinking
There are many ways a person can change negative thoughts and self-criticism to more realistic and positive thoughts. Focusing on all of them at once may be overwhelming, but focusing on a few at a time and reminding yourself of these positive approaches regularly can change your self-esteem.Read the positive thought strategies below and choose several that would help you most. Write them down and remind yourself to pause and change your way of thinking each time you are being critical of yourself. As you become more comfortable with each new way of thinking (for example, learning not to apologize or accept blame for other's anger) try adding a new positive thought strategy to your list.
Positive Thought Strategies
- Avoid exaggerations.
Correct your internal voice when it exaggerates, especially when it exaggerates the negative. Try to avoid thinking in extreme terms ("I always make that mistake" or "I'll never get that promotion.") - Nip negative thoughts in the bud.
Sometimes putting a stop on negative thinking is as easy as that. The next time you start giving yourself an internal browbeating, tell yourself to "stop it!" If you saw a person yelling insults at another person, you would probably tell them to stop. Why do you accept that behavior from yourself? - Accentuate the positive.
Instead of focusing on what you think are your negative qualities, accentuate your strengths and assets. Maybe you didn't ace the test you were studying for, but maybe your hard work and perseverance led to a better grade than you would have had. Maybe you felt nervous and self-conscious when giving a presentation at work, but maybe your boss and coworkers respected you for getting up and trying. - Accept flaws and being human.
Maybe you did get nervous and blow that presentation at work - so what? Talk to your boss about what went wrong, try to address the error in the future, and move on. All people have flaws and make mistakes. Your boss, coworkers, friends, family, postman, congressman, and favorite movie star have all made mistakes. They've forgiven themselves; so can you. - Accept imperfections.
Perfection is a high goal to aim for -- you don't need to start there or even end there. Make doing your best your ideal -- what more can you realistically do? Focus on what you've gained from the process and how you can use it in the future. Avoid focusing on what wasn't done or 'should have' been done differently. Allow yourself to make mistakes and then forgive yourself. Try laughing instead of criticizing. - Don't bully yourself!
"Should have, could have, would have ... " Try not to constantly second guess yourself, criticize yourself for what you "should" have done better, or expect too much from yourself. Don't put standards on yourself that you wouldn't expect from others. It's great to want to do well, but expecting yourself to be perfect (which is impossible) and then punishing yourself when you fail is a vicious cycle. Using expressions like "I should have" is just a way of punishing yourself after the fact. - Replace criticism with encouragement.
Instead of nagging or focusing on the negative (in yourself and others), replace your criticism with encouragement. Give constructive criticism instead of being critical ("maybe if I tried to do ____ next time, it would be even better" instead of "I didn't do that right.") Compliment yourself and those around you on what you have achieved ("well, we may not have done it all, but we did a pretty great job with what we did".) - Don't feel guilty about things beyond your control.
You are not to blame every time something goes wrong or someone has a problem. Apologizing for things and accepting blame can be a positive quality, if you are in the wrong and if you learn and move on. But you shouldn't feel responsible for all problems or assume you are to blame whenever someone is upset. - Don't feel responsible for everything.
Just as everything is not your fault, not everything is your responsibility. It's okay to be helpful, but don't feel the need to be all things (and do all things) for all people. This is taking too much of a burden on yourself AND limiting those around you. Let others be responsible for themselves and their actions -- you shouldn't feel responsible for their happiness. - Do feel responsible for your feelings.
Just as you can't "make" other people happy, don't expect others to "make" you feel happy or good about yourself. In the same way, they shouldn't make you feel guilty or bad about yourself. You create your own feelings and make your own decisions. People and events may have an affect on your emotions, but they can't dictate them. - Treat yourself kindly.
People often feel more comfortable treating themselves in ways they wouldn't consider treating others. Do you criticize yourself with terms like "stupid" "ugly" or "loser"? Would you use those terms to describe a friend? Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated as well as you treat others. Do something nice for yourself sometimes -- either in thought (give yourself a compliment) or action (treat yourself to a nice dinner or new book.) - Give yourself a break.
You don't need to be all things to all people or please everyone. Give yourself permission to decide you're doing the best you can. Remind yourself when you're doing things well -- don't wait to hear it from someone else. - Choose the brighter side of things.
You can choose how to interpret comments and events, so try for the more positive interpretations. If someone says, "You look good today," don't ask yourself "What was wrong with the way I looked yesterday?" Accept compliments graciously (don't ask yourself why you haven't been complemented on something else or why you haven't complemented you before.) Look at temporary setbacks as opportunities for growth. - Forgive and forget.
Try not to hang on to painful memories and bad feelings - this is a surefire way to encourage negative thoughts and bad moods. Your past can control you if you don't control it. If you can, forgive past wrongs and move on. (Don't forget that forgiving yourself is an important part of this process, too!) If you have a hard time forgiving or forgetting, consider talking through your emotions with a good friend or counselor, but try not to dwell. It's important to work through things, but you can't let the past determine your future. - Focus on what you CAN do, not what you can't.
Avoid "can't" thinking or other negative language. If you say something often enough, you may start to believe it, so keep your statements positive, not negative. Don't be afraid to seek help in accomplishing things, but remind yourself that you don't need approval from others to recognize your accomplishments. Focus on what you're able to do. Remind yourself of all your capabilities and positive qualities.
(
Mountain
State Centers for Independent living)
Coco Chanel said, "Beauty begins the Moment you decide to be yourself".
Be kind to yourself and treat yourself the way you would treat others. You deserve it. You Are Beautiful! You Are Amazing! You Are Unique! You Are Special!
Choose to be you!
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
Tuesday, May 2, 2017
Its up to YOU!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKBfOwmzg5M
I am slightly obsessed with hidden figures, but this interview of Taraji makes me love it even more. She says "you can't give another human the responsibility of your happiness." I LOVE that! Its so true. It is up to us. If we are in a situation we don't want to be in, or if we have somewhere we want to go, its up to us to make it happen. Each one of us is just oozing with potential, and all it takes to get there is us deciding, and putting in the hard work to get there.
I also love where she says "If you listen to people you won't live." We can't let people come into our lives and tell us what we can't do. What if she had listened to those people? What if she would've given up on her dream of moving to California and acting? Hidden Figures just would be the same. Haha. But more importantly she wouldn't have lived up to her potential. She wouldn't be where she is now. Living her dream. Don't listen to those who say you can't an don't give anyone else the responsibility of your happiness. It is up to you, and you CAN do it!
I also love where she says "If you listen to people you won't live." We can't let people come into our lives and tell us what we can't do. What if she had listened to those people? What if she would've given up on her dream of moving to California and acting? Hidden Figures just would be the same. Haha. But more importantly she wouldn't have lived up to her potential. She wouldn't be where she is now. Living her dream. Don't listen to those who say you can't an don't give anyone else the responsibility of your happiness. It is up to you, and you CAN do it!
Monday, May 1, 2017
From Worrier to WARRIOR
Hi! I'm Missy. I'm a director for the amazing Ivy Girl Academy where we teach girls about leadership and kindness. For my first post I wanted to tell you a little bit about me and what tugs at my heart when it comes to helping others, specifically the youth. You'll hear me talk about this a lot, so I figure I might as well give you my backstory, and hopefully it can help you see, if you struggle with similar things, that you're not alone.
When I was 10 years old, my world went from sunshine and roses to scary and dark overnight- that late summer day when my mom almost died from complications to childbirth. It was so scary to think that I could've lost a parent. After that, I would worry anytime my mom or dad would go anywhere. (and I mean anywhere, like even down the street to the grocery store) I would wait by the front window, or sit on the porch, and wait for them to return home safely. I'd start to get stomach aches on a regular, daily basis. If my mom wouldn't get home when she said she would, I'd start to imagine all the terrible things that could be wrong. I'd imagine a police car pulling in our driveway to tell us the bad news. Every time the phone rang-it was probably the hospital to say my mom was in an accident, you name it- I imagined it. I would start to get anxiety attacks and have to sit on the front porch and do my best to suck in whatever air I could until I could breath again. It was always the worst when the sun would go down. Notice I used the word "imagine" a lot? A good friend and mentor taught me that "anxiety is a misuse of the imagination." I have always felt I was creative and had a good imagination, and that it is a gift that was given to me, but we are all given strengths and weakness's. For me, I used my imagination in the wrong way, and so it became a weakness... called anxiety. And I used my compassion and love for others in the wrong way... excessive worrying. My world was so scary and the future was so unpredictable. I felt I had no control, and I began to sink into a deep depression.
The next spring, while still going through this dark time, I was watching my little 2 year old sister while my parents were across the street watching my older sister play softball. I was feeding my little brother dinner while she was playing in the backyard, when I heard a faint cry. I went to see what had happened, when I found a trail of dark red that led to my little sister lying in a pool of blood surrounding her head. I couldn't even see her face, and I just knew she was going to die. The scene is still so crystal clear in my memory and still haunts me when I think about it.What do I do?? This wasn't happening!! I was panicked!! I scooped her up, and ran across the street to my parents as fast as I could run. By the time I got to them, my shirt was completely soaked in blood. We rushed her to the ER and found out that our lab dog had bitten her face, which was a huge shock for us all. They did plastic surgery on her face, and she was going to be ok. She is a beautiful young woman today and has minimal scars. But the trauma of it all for me was life changing, and the scars I carried from this went deep. Really deep.
I got to visit her at the hospital and I kind of look just dazed in this picture. I was just so glad she was going to live!
So after my sister's accident, I was not only anxious and depressed, but paranoid as well. I wouldn't let my sister out of my sight! At 11 years old I would look at a situation and see all the things that could go wrong or how my sister could get hurt. Yeah, I was a mess. To call me a "worrier" was an understatement. Panic attacks would plague me often. I was so afraid of death, and anyone I loved dying, that I had to close my eyes and look away whenever we'd pass a cemetery, I couldn't smell flowers because it reminded me of a funeral, and I didn't like church music because it made me think of heaven-because that's where you go when you die. Words can't describe the darkness that I felt and the despairing feeling that it would never go away. Depression is REAL. Anxiety is REAL. I wished with all my heart that I could fix myself and just be happy- but I didn't know how, and the darkness was too thick to navigate.
Then a miracle happened. I went to Southern Utah to watch my dad run the St. George Marathon, like he did every year, and this time when I watched runners cross the finish line, I noticed how happy they were! They were sweaty, tired, and looked awful, but they were so happy! As I watched them, standing on the inside of the orange plastic fence, I yearned to be on the other side with them, feeling the joy that they were feeling, body odor and all! So at 11 years old, I signed up to train for my first marathon, along with my older sister Toniann, who was 16 at the time. I'll never forget that first mile when we started our training! I couldn't breathe, my lungs were screaming, there was a stabbing pain in my chest, my legs felt like jello- and that was just walking from my house to the park across the street! Just kidding, but seriously, that first mile was so hard! What had I gotten myself into? My very wise dad had us pay the registration fee, so that we knew it was our money we lost if we backed out, and I wasn't going to lose $40!! (prices have significantly increased over the last 20 years) So there was no turning back now. We trained for 7 long, hard months until the marathon, gradually increasing our distance each month. The more I trained, the more comfortable it began to be, and before I knew it, I really enjoyed it.
I believe everyone has a "home" a person, place, thing, or activity that you go to where you just feel free and at peace. A place that's safe and makes you feel alive. I had found my "home" and it was running. I realized that when I ran, I felt the darkness start to thin. I was beginning to see light again, and I was getting stronger not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.
The big day finally came for the marathon, and I don't think I slept a minute that night before. I was so nervous! I had never done anything like this, what if I can't do it? My dad, and sister, and I got up early and took the bus up to the start line, and it was something else! Everyone was so pumped up and excited, it was impossible not to feel the energy (or the freezing temperature on the top of a canyon at 5am!) I can still feel the cold ripple of shivers, hear the loud pumpup jams, and smell the icy hot (and portapotties)! The marathon course was lined with shiny silver balloons at each mile marker, so you could see the next mile coming up. When the gun went off to start the race, I think my adrenaline carried me the first 7 miles, because they flew by! But it quickly wore off, and when it did, I began to wonder if I could really go 19 more. Vans would pass us on the side of the road with runners inside that couldn't make it or were injured. I was not going to let that be me, I was not going to quit! But at the time, it was just too overwhelming for my young mind to think of running 19 more miles. BUT I knew I could run ONE mile, so decided "I'm not going to run 26 miles- I'm going to run ONE mile 26 times." That seemed way more attainable. Just ONE mile at a time. If I could just make it to the next shiny silver balloon... And I had to really keep that in mind when my body hit the wall at mile 18. One more mile, and then again, just one more mile.... that's all I could do to keep going and with each silver balloon I passed, the more confident I became, and the more I believed in myself, that I could do this! When we finally approached the finish line, we linked hands and waived them up as we crossed over the line. It was one of the. happiest. moments. of my life. The pride I had in myself was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I was literally a new person. I had just conquered something extremely difficult. I realized that I really could do hard things!! I'm not weak, I'm strong! I'm not a worrier- I'm a WARRIOR! I had made it. I was on the other side of the orange fence, and the price I paid was SO worth it.
After my marathon and training, I was so blessed that depression no longer plagued me, and I could be a kid again and start to enjoy life. I was still not the same as before, but who is after a trauma? I still was on the cautious side, and caught myself worrying here or there, but it didn't consume me anymore. The darkness was gone, and the panic attacks had ceased. I'll forever be grateful for running, for finding my "home" and the healing that it provided me, and for the marathon, and the person it gave birth to at the end. I ran the marathon for the next consecutive 10 years and became a part of the 10 Year Club at the age of 22. I still love to run marathons and it will always be a part of me for the rest of my life. :)
Whatever trial you might be facing, I promise you that there is HOPE! You can conquer that monster and become a warrior. It's inside YOU. It might take time, work, sacrifice, pain, getting out of your comfort zone, or even talking to a professional to get help, but I know that we weren't put on this earth to suffer and be miserable our whole lives. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Don't get overwhelmed with solving your problem(s) overnight. Just focus on ONE mile at a time, and I promise if you do it long enough- you will cross the finish line.
Here is a pic of me when I was 19 running the marathon
with my little sister (10) who was bit by the dog, the brother (8)
that my mom almost died giving birth to, and my dad.
When I was 10 years old, my world went from sunshine and roses to scary and dark overnight- that late summer day when my mom almost died from complications to childbirth. It was so scary to think that I could've lost a parent. After that, I would worry anytime my mom or dad would go anywhere. (and I mean anywhere, like even down the street to the grocery store) I would wait by the front window, or sit on the porch, and wait for them to return home safely. I'd start to get stomach aches on a regular, daily basis. If my mom wouldn't get home when she said she would, I'd start to imagine all the terrible things that could be wrong. I'd imagine a police car pulling in our driveway to tell us the bad news. Every time the phone rang-it was probably the hospital to say my mom was in an accident, you name it- I imagined it. I would start to get anxiety attacks and have to sit on the front porch and do my best to suck in whatever air I could until I could breath again. It was always the worst when the sun would go down. Notice I used the word "imagine" a lot? A good friend and mentor taught me that "anxiety is a misuse of the imagination." I have always felt I was creative and had a good imagination, and that it is a gift that was given to me, but we are all given strengths and weakness's. For me, I used my imagination in the wrong way, and so it became a weakness... called anxiety. And I used my compassion and love for others in the wrong way... excessive worrying. My world was so scary and the future was so unpredictable. I felt I had no control, and I began to sink into a deep depression.
The next spring, while still going through this dark time, I was watching my little 2 year old sister while my parents were across the street watching my older sister play softball. I was feeding my little brother dinner while she was playing in the backyard, when I heard a faint cry. I went to see what had happened, when I found a trail of dark red that led to my little sister lying in a pool of blood surrounding her head. I couldn't even see her face, and I just knew she was going to die. The scene is still so crystal clear in my memory and still haunts me when I think about it.What do I do?? This wasn't happening!! I was panicked!! I scooped her up, and ran across the street to my parents as fast as I could run. By the time I got to them, my shirt was completely soaked in blood. We rushed her to the ER and found out that our lab dog had bitten her face, which was a huge shock for us all. They did plastic surgery on her face, and she was going to be ok. She is a beautiful young woman today and has minimal scars. But the trauma of it all for me was life changing, and the scars I carried from this went deep. Really deep.
So after my sister's accident, I was not only anxious and depressed, but paranoid as well. I wouldn't let my sister out of my sight! At 11 years old I would look at a situation and see all the things that could go wrong or how my sister could get hurt. Yeah, I was a mess. To call me a "worrier" was an understatement. Panic attacks would plague me often. I was so afraid of death, and anyone I loved dying, that I had to close my eyes and look away whenever we'd pass a cemetery, I couldn't smell flowers because it reminded me of a funeral, and I didn't like church music because it made me think of heaven-because that's where you go when you die. Words can't describe the darkness that I felt and the despairing feeling that it would never go away. Depression is REAL. Anxiety is REAL. I wished with all my heart that I could fix myself and just be happy- but I didn't know how, and the darkness was too thick to navigate.
Then a miracle happened. I went to Southern Utah to watch my dad run the St. George Marathon, like he did every year, and this time when I watched runners cross the finish line, I noticed how happy they were! They were sweaty, tired, and looked awful, but they were so happy! As I watched them, standing on the inside of the orange plastic fence, I yearned to be on the other side with them, feeling the joy that they were feeling, body odor and all! So at 11 years old, I signed up to train for my first marathon, along with my older sister Toniann, who was 16 at the time. I'll never forget that first mile when we started our training! I couldn't breathe, my lungs were screaming, there was a stabbing pain in my chest, my legs felt like jello- and that was just walking from my house to the park across the street! Just kidding, but seriously, that first mile was so hard! What had I gotten myself into? My very wise dad had us pay the registration fee, so that we knew it was our money we lost if we backed out, and I wasn't going to lose $40!! (prices have significantly increased over the last 20 years) So there was no turning back now. We trained for 7 long, hard months until the marathon, gradually increasing our distance each month. The more I trained, the more comfortable it began to be, and before I knew it, I really enjoyed it.
I believe everyone has a "home" a person, place, thing, or activity that you go to where you just feel free and at peace. A place that's safe and makes you feel alive. I had found my "home" and it was running. I realized that when I ran, I felt the darkness start to thin. I was beginning to see light again, and I was getting stronger not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.
The big day finally came for the marathon, and I don't think I slept a minute that night before. I was so nervous! I had never done anything like this, what if I can't do it? My dad, and sister, and I got up early and took the bus up to the start line, and it was something else! Everyone was so pumped up and excited, it was impossible not to feel the energy (or the freezing temperature on the top of a canyon at 5am!) I can still feel the cold ripple of shivers, hear the loud pumpup jams, and smell the icy hot (and portapotties)! The marathon course was lined with shiny silver balloons at each mile marker, so you could see the next mile coming up. When the gun went off to start the race, I think my adrenaline carried me the first 7 miles, because they flew by! But it quickly wore off, and when it did, I began to wonder if I could really go 19 more. Vans would pass us on the side of the road with runners inside that couldn't make it or were injured. I was not going to let that be me, I was not going to quit! But at the time, it was just too overwhelming for my young mind to think of running 19 more miles. BUT I knew I could run ONE mile, so decided "I'm not going to run 26 miles- I'm going to run ONE mile 26 times." That seemed way more attainable. Just ONE mile at a time. If I could just make it to the next shiny silver balloon... And I had to really keep that in mind when my body hit the wall at mile 18. One more mile, and then again, just one more mile.... that's all I could do to keep going and with each silver balloon I passed, the more confident I became, and the more I believed in myself, that I could do this! When we finally approached the finish line, we linked hands and waived them up as we crossed over the line. It was one of the. happiest. moments. of my life. The pride I had in myself was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I was literally a new person. I had just conquered something extremely difficult. I realized that I really could do hard things!! I'm not weak, I'm strong! I'm not a worrier- I'm a WARRIOR! I had made it. I was on the other side of the orange fence, and the price I paid was SO worth it.
After my marathon and training, I was so blessed that depression no longer plagued me, and I could be a kid again and start to enjoy life. I was still not the same as before, but who is after a trauma? I still was on the cautious side, and caught myself worrying here or there, but it didn't consume me anymore. The darkness was gone, and the panic attacks had ceased. I'll forever be grateful for running, for finding my "home" and the healing that it provided me, and for the marathon, and the person it gave birth to at the end. I ran the marathon for the next consecutive 10 years and became a part of the 10 Year Club at the age of 22. I still love to run marathons and it will always be a part of me for the rest of my life. :)
Whatever trial you might be facing, I promise you that there is HOPE! You can conquer that monster and become a warrior. It's inside YOU. It might take time, work, sacrifice, pain, getting out of your comfort zone, or even talking to a professional to get help, but I know that we weren't put on this earth to suffer and be miserable our whole lives. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Don't get overwhelmed with solving your problem(s) overnight. Just focus on ONE mile at a time, and I promise if you do it long enough- you will cross the finish line.
Here is a pic of me when I was 19 running the marathon
with my little sister (10) who was bit by the dog, the brother (8)
that my mom almost died giving birth to, and my dad.
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